Crazy Randomness
by shells-5
Summary: The title pretty much says it all. Random stories of the Cullens', Bella included, life. R
1. Test

A/N ok ill take a stab at humor…not necessarily the BEST attempt ever, but come on, I'm a sucker for a crazy idea

**A/N ok ill take a stab at humor…not necessarily the BEST attempt ever, but come on, I'm a sucker for a crazy idea. Don't get all 'oh that's not overly funny' on me, cuz generally it seems that I'm funniest whenever I'm being dead serious. Go figure.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse…but of course if I did, the magical race of fairies would TOTALLY make an appearance and join the group of mythical creatures.**

I stared long and hard at the paper in front of me. How to answer, how to answer. OH! I got it! I raised my hand.

"Yes?" I promptly stood up.

"I think that making us take this test," I pointed accusingly to the paper. "is a cruel and unusual form of punishment. And cruel and unusual punishment is against the Constitution."

My teacher merely looked amused at my outburst. "Sit, down, Mr. Cullen. If you know so much about history, take the test."

I think I responded appropriately. I chucked my book at him, not hard enough to knock him out, but hard enough to make a point. "FREEDOM TO THE TEST TAKING STUDENTS!"

I rushed forward toward the teacher and was about to throw him out the window. Rosalie marched up behind me and pinned my arms behind me like I was a criminal or something. "I'M NOT A CRIMINAL I SAY! I HAVE A RIGHT TO A LAWYER!"

She apologized to the teacher, I merely stuck my tongue out at him, and she marched me out. "Now, Emmett, we've talked about this…"

"I thought this was a government by the people, for the people or whatever crap they said. I strongly believe that we SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TAKE THAT TEST!"

"Emmett, you know all the answers. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Jasper said he'd give me a break from all the strange mood swings I get. I swear, it's worse than when you during your 'time of the month'."

…… was all I got in response for a second. "Emmett…I don't get my 'time of the month'. You do know that, right?"

"OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoh. So you're just naturally moody. Okay, I get it."

**Once again humor isn't my best writing technique. But comment! More random moments to come!**


	2. Magical Fairy

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…yet

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…yet. I'm currently working on an elaborate plan to have Stephenie give me the full rights to the books. But should that fail, which we all know won't ;), I'll stick with writing fan fics.**

Edward: Bella, what are you doing

Bella: _(shocked)_ Oh! Edward! I didn't know you were there.

Edward: Clearly. What is that vile thing?

Bella: It's a hot fairy. He was one of my friends in Phoenix and it turns out he's a fairy!

Edward:…………

Emmett: Leave it to Bella to find a mythical fairy that doesn't exist.

Jasper: Alice, did you know about the magical fairies?

Alice: Of course I did!

Jasper: And you didn't tell us because…

Alice: You don't need to know what I did in my spare time before I meet you.

Jasper:……………

Emmett: _(eyeing Rosalie suspiciously)_ You didn't know about the fairies, did you?

Rosalie: I wish I did…he's HOT!

Emmett: What…what are you…what about me?

Rosalie: Don't worry; I don't date out of my species like SOME people I know.

Bella: ………O NO U DID-NT! BITCH SLAP! _(slaps Rosalie)_

Alice: Go Bella!

Emmett: HUMAN AND VAMPIRE FIGHT!! _(aside to Jasper)_ ten on Rosalie.

Jasper: It's on!

Edward: _(steps smoothly in between Rosalie and Bella) _Now, ladies, fighting is never the answer.

Jasper: _(goes up to Edward and pulls him out of the way)_ Continue.

Magical-Fairy-that-shouldn't-exist-that-everyone-forgot-about: No fighting allowed! I'll make you stop! _(waves hands around dramatically)_ El stoppe, fightinge!

Rosalie: _(freezes then turns into a mouse)_

Bella: (_turns into cat)_

Magical-Fairy-that-shouldn't-exist-that-just-made-a-really-bad-mistake: Well, you don't see THAT everyday.

Alice: OH SNAP!

**A/N WOWSIES. Fun word that is, wowsies. Hehe. Anyways, yeah not the best chapter but ill say it again, humor isn't my best writing style. But promise that Jacob will make an appearance soon…just don't know when. ;) comment!!**


	3. James

Disclaimer: My name is not Stephenie Meyer (o I so wish it was), and I am writing fan fics

**A/N I'm writing this before I've started the actual random part. I'm not quite sure where I'm gonna go with this, so don't be surprised if it's just…weird. Sorry, I'll actually start working on it now.**

**Disclaimer: My name is not Stephenie Meyer (o I so wish it was), and I am writing fan fics. What does this tell you? That I don't own Twilight? Silly, of course I do! In my mind of course…**

Bella: I thought all vampires were beautiful? _(gives him weird look)_ Were you dropped on your head when you were turned into a vampire 'cuz no one can look THAT ugly.

James: _(gives dirty look)_

Bella: Oh so scathing!

James: Well, now that I've got you, my pretty, what shall I do with you? I no! Maybe I'll break your leg! Oh, and I'll video tape it so that your precious Edward will get furious and attack me! 'Cuz I absolutely LOVE when I'm going through near death experiences.

Edward: _(breaks into building and starts doing sexy poses funny faces and giggling while James is talking)_

Bella: _(giggles) _Edward what are you doing?

Edward: I'M STRIKING SEXY POSES AND MAKING FUNNY FACES!

Emmett: _(bursts out laughing and falls onto the floor, rolling around hysterically while pointing at James)_

Alice: _(squeals)_ Can I have your autograph? You're definitely one of favorite people who are about to die!

James: _(growls and bears teeth)_

Jasper: You have a piece of spinach there.

James: I DO NOT EAT SPINACH!

Rosalie: Now, James, would you like Dr. Phil to sort out all your anger management problems?

James: After I kill this human girl, I'm gonna kill you ALL!

Jasper: And how does that make you FEEL?

James: ……………YOU GUYS ARE NUTS!

Alice: And proud of it!

**A/N yeah interesting developments here…I got most of these off of a website…I don't remember which one it was, but all credit goes to them!! Yeah, disclaimer yet again!! ;) don't know if I really need it, but whatever. Comment please! You know I luv to hear from you!**


	4. Jacob

Hey

**Hey!! Well, you guys completely ROCK!! Thank you SO much for commenting!! & I've been meaning to do this for awhile, but I am COMPLETELY scatter brained and always forgot; special shout out to romance in the rain for the being the first one to review!! Let's get a round of applause here for you. (loud applause and screaming) **

**& sorry it's been so long that I've updated. My parents limited my time on the computer 4 2 hours a day…which basically sucks during the weekend when the weather's bad. So know that if I don't update in a while, it's either cuz I've used up my time on the computer, or I'm out of ideas. Or cuz I'm playing 3d bike racing!! Haha lots of fun, lots of fun. Especially when your on the London level & u go like WHAM all out crazy driving 2 win. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever, I'm a nutcase. I'll stop.**

**Disclaimer: Did I ever SAY I own Twilight? Well, possibly I said that I was coming up with elaborate plans to own Twilight but ultimately those all failed. So NO I do not own Twilight. (sigh)**

Edward: Hey look! It's a cute little dog!

Bella: _(bursts into tears)_

Emmett: What's wrong with Niagara Falls over there?

Alice: _(rolls eyes)_

Edward: What did I say?

Bella: Cute….little….dog! _(hysterics start)_

Jacob: _(panicked) _What's wrong with Bella?

Edward: YOU!

Jacob: YOU!

Bella: Jacob!

Edward: _(exasperated) _Bella!

Alice: _(nervously) _Edward!

Emmett: EMMETT!

Jacob: Well, we meet again.

Edward: Yes, this time _(dramatic pause)_ it's a fight to the death.

Alice: Bring it!

Jacob: SUCK IT!

Alice: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to put small things in my mouth.

Emmett: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoh, you just got DISSED.

**Well. Need I say it?? I'll put it in caps so I get the point across. HUMOR IS NOT MY STRONGEST WRITING STYLE. PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME! Ok so yeah, I think my little notes are longer than the actual chapter, so I'll just leave it at R&R. L8r dudes.**


	5. Truth

Okay, I'm pretty sure that I've been neglecting this story

**Okay, I'm pretty sure that I've been neglecting this story. I officially apologize. Huh. Weird, for a moment I could've sworn I heard my friends going 'ITS TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE, ITS TOO LATE!!' I think I've been hanging out with them too much. But that's on a different topic.**

**Disclaimer: It's too late to own Twilight, it's too late! So I guess that I'll leave it to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

Bella: Charlie, I think it's time to tell you something.

Charlie: WHAT DID YOU SET ON FIRE?

Bella: Well, technically, a building, but that was a long time ago and I didn't even do it.

Charlie:………

Bella: But Charlie, Edward's a vampire.

Charlie: I KNEW there was a reason I didn't like him!

Bella: So is Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Esme and Carlisle.

Charlie: _(really drawn out)_ Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Bella: But don't worry, they're vegetarians.

Charlie: (_really drawn out)_ Whaaaaaaaaaaat?

Bella: Yeah, so glad you're taking this so good. While we're on the subject of mythical creatures, I also know a pack of werewolves but they're good, they don't eat people either.

Charlie:…………

Bella: Oh, and Jake's one of those werewolves.

Charlie: I KNEW there was a reason I didn't…wait, what?

Bella: Yeah, so…yeah. Oh, and just so we're on the same page, a group of evil vampires is out to kill me or make me one of them and another group of vampires was out _(Dracula style) _to suck my blood. But don't worry, they're all dead.

Charlie: Okay, Bella, don't worry. Let me just make a phone call and some nice men in white suits will come and put you in a nice bouncy cell complete with a jacket to keep you warm!

Bella: YAY! I LIKE BOUNCY CELLS!

**I have no idea. Don't ask. It's weird, I know, so…yeah. I promise I'll think of a better idea next time. Actually, no guarantees on that. I make them up as I go along. So…yeah. R&R**


	6. Track

Haha

**Haha. Now that I'm slightly over my little power failure scare I thought a murderer had cut our power lines & was gonna kill me…can u say PARANOID? although I did jump a little when my email dinged. But…ok last update 4 2nite. Hope u enjoy…o & just so u no I got my inspiration from a track meet…very weird place 2 get it but then again I get my best ideas while talking 2 myself wen I play solitaire.**

**Disclaimer: Ok, I think I've said this enough for one night but…I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT! o I so wish I did**

Emmett: GUESS WHAT!

Edward: What?

Emmett: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GUESS! GOSH, YOU ALWAYS RUIN THE FUN, EDWARD!

Alice: Oh! I love this game! You…broke into someone's house.

Esme: NOT AGAIN! I swear, if you gave Bella a new lullaby again…

Edward: And told her to break up with me again…

Emmett: No! I signed us up for a track meet!

Rosalie: Emmett! Why in the world would you do that?

Emmett: Cuz we could win by a landslide!

Carlisle: Emmett…people usually don't win the 800 in like two seconds.

Emmett: They don't?

Bella: No. They win it in like…_(counts on fingers)_ way more than that.

Emmett: Well, I'm going to do it anyways!

Next day at trackmeet

Person with starting gun: On your marks…get set…BANG!

Emmett: YAY I WON!!

Person with starting gun: BANG! FALSE START!

Emmett: WHAT? I WON THAT RACE FAIR AND SQUARE!

Person with starting gun: There's no earthly way you could make it in that time.

Emmett: Oh, yeah? Well that's not what Mister County Thing says.

Person with starting gun: I'm halfway tempted to point this at you and shoot.

Emmett: YOU LIE! _(big gasp)_ OHMAGOD! SOMEONE PAID YOU TO FIX THE RACE!

Person with starting gun: Security!  
Emmett: NO! I WILL NOT GO!

Carlisle: I think someone needs a time out!

Emmett: _(starts crying) _No! I don't wanna go to time out!

Rosalie: Suck it up. Be a man; rub some dirt in it.

**Ok. No comment no comment no comment. I won't even say it but (annoying sing song voice) I'm thinking it. Let me no what you think.**


	7. AN

Hey, guys

**Hey, guys. Thanks 4 all those who reviewed, but I think the next chapter is gonna b the last 1. im not really in2 it as much as my other 1s so I think it wud b best 2 just leave it b. promise u ill do 1 more chapter tho. Any brilliant ideas wud b welcome.**


	8. Hot Guys

Yola readers

**Yola readers! I'm pretty sure this is gonna wrap this up 4 this story. As I said b4 im not as in2 it as the others, so…yeah. Im gonna dedicate this 1 2 my friends, Leiana and Brooke…they'll c y. ;)**

**Disclaimer: Twilight: not mine unfortunately. Rating hot guys: totally me & my friends. :)**

Alice: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoh, I'll give him a seven.

Rosalie: I don't know, he's not very toned. I'll give him a five.

Bella: How can you guys be so cruel, he's definitely an eight.

Edward: What are you guys doing?

Alice: Rating how hot guys are.

Emmett: What am I? _(strikes manly pose)_

Rosalie: Ten!

Alice and Bella: Two!

Emmett: What? What? A two?

Jasper: What about me? _(strikes hot pose)_

Alice: Ow ow!! Definitely a twenty!!

Rosalie and Bella: Seven.

Emmett: What? He gets a seven and I get a two? Where's the justice in that?

Edward: I think I can pass you both…what am I? _**(HE TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT!!)**_

Bella: _(near fainting)_ Off the charts! Off the charts!

Alice: Edward, you smexi beast, where have you been hiding all this time? Ten.

Rosalie: Ten! Ten!

Edward: haha. You two just got BURNED!!

Emmett: Unfair! You cheated! I don't know how, but you cheated!

Edward: It's not my fault all the ladies love me.

Passing girls: OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoh, he's off the charts!

Edward: See what I mean?

Alice: How much do you want for him, Bella?

**I think it's a rather good chapter 2 end on. Hehe. No seriously, me & my friends r THAT NUTS!! Plus we also call the guys who r hot, fictional or real, so that just doubled our insanity. I hope u guys enjoyed it. L8r dudes. ;)**


End file.
